Just One Night
by 28andoccrazy
Summary: Sandy was her husband but Carter was the one that really understood her....Carsten fic, leaning towards a Kandy ending. The final chapter is up...Rated M!
1. Smiling Through Denial

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of these chararters, or the Lou Barlow lyrics that this fic was inspired by...

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I know you've given all that you could give to me..._

_I know there'll come a day I understand..._

_Until then i'll be trying to solve your mystery..._

_And wonder why I couldn't make you stay..._

Carter sat alone in his apartment, staring at the clock. He knew he should be at work, but he just couldn't bring himself to go. While he sometimes didn't understand why it was so hard to face her, most times he understood all too well. He couldn't remember a time when he felt so intrigued by a woman. The way she walked, the way she smiled at him over her glass of wine, the effortless conversation, the undeniable chemistry. And he couldn't help but think that, at times, she felt the same way. Most days, like today, he couldn't focus his mind on anything else but her. He felt as if he couldn't shake the urge to take her in his arms and tell her how much he had grown to love her. But there was only one problem with that scenario: Kirsten belonged to someone else. Sandy to be exact. Someone with whom he had become almost friends with.

But these feelings he had for her–there was so much more to the story than just plain lust. There was a depth about Kirsten, a well of secrets that he was so close to figuring out. He knew that she and Sandy had an exceptional marriage, just from the things that she said. But there were developing flaws in the relationship, serious ones. Carter could sense that there was a rift between the two of them, and even though it wasn't his place to pry, he felt that sometimes Kirsten wanted to open up to him about it. However, Carter wasn't sure if he was prepared to deal with what that might do his relationship with her. She was so close but so far away, and at this point, he felt that might just be the right place for her. He knew he wasn't strong enough to hold his composure if Kirsten turned to him for comfort. But there was nothing in the world he wanted more than to be close to her.

These thoughts keep rolling around in Carter's mind, which didn't make his decision to get ready for work any easier. He couldn't hide forever, though. He had to deal with these feelings and put them behind him. He had made a commitment to this magazine, and he intended to honor it. And Kirsten had made a commitment to her husband, which left no room for him in her personal affairs. But the attraction he felt for Kirsten was going to be difficult, if not impossible to ignore.

_Smiling through denial – my specialty..._

_I thought that was a good thing for a while..._

_You gave me all your secrets were you testing me?_

_How could I do anything but smile?_

Kirsten lay in bed, mulling her thoughts. Thoughts of Sandy, of work, of the strain the past few weeks had put on the two of them...of Carter. Even though she tried not to think of him, his face would enter her mind at will. It was almost as if she had no control over it.

Some days it was so hard to put on the front. She was so tired of feeling disconnected from her own life. And although she loved Sandy, the distance between them was becoming unbearable. The rift that Rebecca had left between them; Kirsten thought she could overcome it, and she was trying. But she just knew that there was more to the story than Sandy has disclosed. She wasn't sure if she really even wanted to know the truth, but something was going to have to give. She felt so alone, so abandoned–except when she was with Carter. Their late night work sessions, and daily interactions had almost become a welcome escape from her home life.

Kirsten was jolted back to reality when she heard Sandy emerge from the shower.

"Honey, you know I really like Carter. He's got a lot of potential on the board-I mean he's a little rusty, but improving. After Jimmy left I didn't think I would find another friend. And I was thinking–we should invite him over for dinner. I introduced him to Erin, that new orthopedist yesterday, and I definitely think there were some sparks there."

Kirsten felt her stomach knot up a little, but she regained her composure long enough to say: "Sure Sandy, that sounds great" in the most upbeat tone she could muster.

"Great, I'll make the calls, " Sandy said on his way out of the bedroom. Kirsten's feet felt heavy and her heart was racing. Why was she feeling this way, she wondered? _Carter is a co-worker and a friend; why not invite him over? It would be good for him to meet someone, since he's new in town_, she reasoned. But all the while she couldn't shake the disappointment she felt, knowing she would not only have to be in the same room with Carter and her husband, but also have to watch him flirting with someone else.

_My god_, she thought. _Get yourself together. This is crazy. Sandy is your husband and Carter is your friend. Stop being so childish. _But did she really see Carter as just a friend? Some moments she was sure of it, but most times she wasn't sure of anything at all. Sandy was her husband, but Carter was the one that listened to her, the one she felt she could talk to, even though she chose to hold back most of the time. Carter had told her a lot of things about his life, but her details had remained very limited. Mainly because she wasn't sure what effect it would have on her and Carter's relationship. Carter was the type of person that, no matter how horrible the day had been, could always make her smile. She definitely felt the attraction between them when they were together--the breathless sound of his voice, the way he said her name, the way he would gaze at her and she swore that it would set her soul afire. The way he would stand close to her when they were reviewing material for the magazine, and she could feel the heat of his body. And after the conversation by the pool the night of the magazine launch, she felt sure that he was battling these feelings just as she was.

But that's all it could be–just feelings, she told herself. _I have a family and a life to focus on, and it's not worth throwing away over some trivial, lustful attraction. _But even as she thought those things, she knew that it wasn't just lust. It was more. A connection that words really cannot explain. Something that she was trying so hard to ignore.

With that, she showered and dressed and headed to the office. To work. The magazine. And Carter.

Please review! More chapters on the way...


	2. Conflicted

**I tried to keep with the sequence of events, although I changed some things up to make it more interesting...**

Kirsten was just pouring her third glass of wine when she heard the doorbell.

"I'll get it," she heard Sandy say from the other room. She knew it was him. And she wasn't sure she could do this.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a familiar face.

"Carter, hi," she managed. "You look nice." After a few awkward moments, the doorbell rang again. Sandy left to answer it.

"Thanks," Carter replied. "Listen, I hope this is okay, my coming over. It wasn't really my idea----" Their conversation was cut short by the new dinner guest's arrival.

"Kirsten, this is Erin, Erin I believe you know Carter." Sandy joked. They all exchanged introductions, and Carter and Kirsten shared an uncomfortable glance.

"Let's go out to the patio," Sandy announced, unaware of the tension.

The dinner went surprisingly well, pleasant conversation, lots of wine for Kirsten. Sandy received a call that he had to attend to.

"It's Ryan. Apparently the kids were throwing a party at Marissa's and it got a little out of hand" Sandy informed.

"Is everyone all right?" Kirsten inquired.

"Yeah, I just need to go over there and straighten some things out. I won't be long. Carter, Erin it's been a pleasure."

After Sandy left, and Carter went to move his car, Erin and Kirsten were left to clear away the table.

"Carter seems really sweet," Erin said. "Seems like a really nice guy."

"He is," Kirsten replied, pausing. "Just be careful."

Naturally Erin was curious, so Kirsten continued, "It's just that his divorce took a really big toll on him, and he's got a lot of issues. I just thought you should know."

"Thanks Kirsten I really appreciate it. Well I better get going I guess. It's getting kinda late. Very nice meeting you. You have a lovely home."

Kirsten thanked her and saw her out. For the first time in a few hours, she was left with nothing but her thoughts. Her mind was reeling from what she had just done. Why did she say such a thing to Erin? _Carter seemed to be dealing with his past just fine...why did I say something like that? _But deep down she knew why. There was something between the two of them that could hardly be denied any longer. And it scared her and overwhelmed her to the point that she could barely stand. Her head felt light, and it wasn't just from the wine. So many questions. Why wasn't her marriage enough to make her happy anymore? Even though she still loved Sandy, she just felt so out of synch with him right now. Partly of her own doing, but mostly because of his betrayal. _I can't think about that right now. Not tonight._ And with that, she finished off the glass of wine she had been nursing, poured herself another, and headed back to the patio alone.

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Kirsten was sitting at her desk, giving off the appearance of working, but was in the middle of a pretty intense daydream when she felt the presence of someone watching her. She glanced to the doorway to see Carter, watching her intently. 

"Carter, hi, how long have you been standing there?" she asked, twirling her hair nervously. She had never felt more transparent as she did at that moment. She tried to hide her embarrassment, failing miserably.

"Just a bit. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I just came to let you know that we should probably leave around four tomorrow afternoon if we're going to make the trip to Featherbrook. And I've rented a car for the weekend. A vintage Mustang to be exact. We're going to see the California coast as it was meant to be seen."

"That's sounds great, Carter. We can just meet here if you want. There are some things I want to take for the trip, and I'll just pick them up here tomorrow before we leave.

"That's a plan," he responded. "I think this piece we're doing on the wine tasting will be a great asset to the magazine. Well, I have some work-related tasks I need to complete before tomorrow, so I'll let you get back to your work. See you tomorrow."

"See you, Carter," Kirsten said as Carter exited the room. _Get back to my work indeed._ _If he only knew...But he can't, and he won't. _She finished up the email she was sending, and headed home. She couldn't help but look forward to this trip a little bit. But she knew very well that it could have disaster written all over it. A night away from Newport with Carter? The prospect was both appealing and terrifying. _But we're going for work. Julie's not here, so someone has to cover it. Besides, Carter is a professional. He would never put his personal feelings before his job. _But Kirsten knew she could reason all day long, but it would never change the fact that since Carter had shown up in Newport, she had been unable to think of anything else. He understood her In a way that most people could not, including her own husband. And no matter how hard she tried to turn away from that reality, she couldn't. This trip was about so much more than work.


	3. The Prelude

**Thanks so much for all of your reviews...this is my first fanfic, so they were very appreciated!!**

**I know I'm being a tease with these short chapters, but I just want the suspense to be unbearable:)**

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Even though she had lived in Southern California for most of her life, Kirsten had never really taken the time to appreciate the beauty of its coastline, at least not the way she was seeing it today. Here she was, riding in a classic Mustang, with the top down, the wind sweeping over her. It had been so long since she'd been able to get away–away from work, from the tension that was becoming so commonplace at home, away from her life as she knew it. For the first time in a long time, Kirsten felt free and happy. Not bothered by the everyday worries that had plagued her for so long. And she knew that Carter's presence had a little to do with that.

"We should be there in just a little while," she heard Carter say, breaking into her thoughts. "I'm just glad you were able to get away for the weekend, considering everything going on with Trey and the kids."

"Well, there's really not much I can do to help. Sandy's working on Trey's case and the kids are preoccupied with their lives. I felt like I was in the way. Besides, I couldn't let you cover this story alone." Even though she knew that he was more than capable enough to handle it.

"I'm just glad it worked out," Carter replied, letting his gaze linger a bit longer than he should've.

"Me too," replied Kirsten. And there it was again. That familiar feeling, a mixture of exhilaration and fear. She knew that it was probably a mistake for her and Carter to take this trip together, but something within her could not help but wonder what might happen. She immediately felt guilty for even thinking such a thing, but it was almost as if she had no control of her emotions when it came to Carter. Regardless, she tried to put those thoughts out of her mind, and focus on the real mission here: cover the story for the magazine. She just hoped that would be the only mission.

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Later that evening, after the wine tasting was finished, Carter and Kirsten sat alone, discussing the events of the day. Both had been working on several glasses of wine throughout the evening, and the conversation had traveled anywhere from work to past relationships to Julie and her amazing escapades. There was a lot of laughing and sharing. Kirsten couldn't remember when she had engaged in such a fulfilling conversation. But the hours were dragging on, and she knew this perfect day was coming to an end soon.

"Wow, it's really beautiful here," Kirsten mused, her eyes heavy from the wine. "This has been a really great experience."

"Yes it certainly has," Carter said to her, smiling and unable to tear his gaze from her. He didn't think he had ever seen anyone as beautiful as she was at that moment.

Kirsten, uncomfortable with his burning gaze, turned back to work. "So maybe we should go over our notes and see what we've come up with."

"Well," Carter said looking to his notepad, "it appears that I stopped taking notes a few glasses back. Maybe we should have implemented the bucket concept a little more."

Kirsten agreed, laughing. "I think I might be a little drunk."

"As am I," Carter concurred. "Neither of us are in any shape to drive, and it's getting pretty late. Maybe we should see if we can get a driver to take us back tonight."

Carter left to inquire, and Kirsten tried to calm her spinning head. Why had she been so irresponsible? Both of them were drunk, and a hundred miles away from home. It seemed though that lately she had been turning to her wine for comfort, a little more than usual. It was the one thing that could take the edge off of the confusion she'd been feeling for some time now.

Carter returned after a few minutes. "Well, apparently they don't have anyone that can take us back tonight, but they did offer to put us up in a suite. Then we can drive back in the morning."

Kirsten could feel her heart begin to race. This had been coming for some time, and now she was having to face it head on. "Well I guess we don't have a choice. It would be better than trying to get back on our own." Kirsten managed, trying to keep her emotions under control. Part of her wanted nothing more than to get home as soon as possible, but the other part of her never really wanted to go back. She was being caught in the middle of her own mind, and it was a conflicted place to be.


	4. Into the Midnight Hour

**Thanks again for your reviews. They are keeping me going!! And I must say for all the Kandy fans out there, while I am leaning toward a Kandy ending, it's gonna get worse for them before it gets better. Much worse!!**

**Also, it's funny that this chapter is the longest so far...I'm such a smut-puppy!!**

**Rated M--enjoy!!**

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Kirsten sat on the edge of the bed looking out the French doors that led to the balcony. So many things were racing through her mind right now. She could hear Carter in the shower, and she felt a little ashamed that she hadn't remained sober enough to get home tonight. But home felt like it was a million miles away. She thought about calling Sandy to let him know what was going on, but every time she picked up her phone to call, something held her back. Was it revenge? _How many times did Sandy spend his nights out with Rebecca, and leave me to wonder? _ Or was it something else? Something worse. Kirsten walked to the balcony, her head still spinning from the wine. Her thought were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"I feel much better," Carter announced, dressed in only a bathrobe, drying his hair with a towel. He noticed Kirsten seemed lost in her thoughts. "There's a Hers bathrobe and some fuzzy slippers in there if you want to take a shower."

She turned to face him. "Carter, I don't think this is a good idea. Maybe I should call the concierge and see if I can get a separate room." She was trying to hold on to her last shred of conscience.

Carter was intrigued by her apparent discomfort at the situation. He walked across the room, closing the distance between them. "Kirsten, I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you feel uncomfortable. I never meant to interfere the way that I have. And even though we don't talk about it, I know things have been really, intense, between us since my arrival."

He was standing so close that Kirsten was overwhelmed by him. His freshly showered scent, his voice, the way his eyes saw straight into the heart of her. She could feel her control slipping away.

"Carter, I, don't feel uncomfortable," she replied with a shaky voice. "I just feel a little overwhelmed right now. Working with you means a great deal to me, and I—"

Carter interrupted, moving ever closer to her, "I'm going to be honest with you, Kirsten. Since I moved to Newport to take this job, hardly a moment has passed that you haven't been on my mind. And I know you have this perfect life that I'm just plowing right through, and I'm sorry about that. But the truth is, I can't deny the way that I feel any longer. I have tried to forget it, but I can't. Maybe it's the wine, or maybe it's just time to put my cards on the table. I just wanted you to know where I stand."

Kirsten knew there were words appropriate for this moment, but she was struggling to find them. Her body was on fire, partly from the wine, and partly from the man who was standing before her. She met his gaze, "Carter, my life is far from perfect, and having you in it has meant the world to me these past few weeks. I'm just so scared that this weekend is going to change all of that." She felt the strong urge to turn away, for her willpower was fading fast.

Carter reached out his hand and begin to stroke her hair. "I know that our lives are waiting on us back home. Work and family and the like, but I'm not asking for forever, Kirsten. Just one night away from reality. That's all I want. Just one night with you."

She had no chance to protest, before Carter's lips had met with hers. As if there was any protest at all. She had spent weeks wondering what a kiss with him would be like, watching him from afar, studying his mouth when he spoke to her. Not to mention the daydreams. But all of those expectations were being put to the test now.

She felt the last bit of self control escape from her in a sigh. Carter ran his hands through her hair as his body moved even closer to her. His kiss went from soft and explorative, just a grazing of lips, to hungry and demanding. She felt his tongue part her lips, and she opened her mouth to accept. She felt that her body was ablaze, and Carter drew her body to his, and the embrace was complete. She could feel the heat from him, and she wasn't backing away. She couldn't have even if she'd wanted to. At this moment, standing in the middle of the room, he owned her, body and soul. She ran her hands over his chest, up around his neck, and all the while his kiss never subsided. She let out a quiet moan, and she felt Carter smile against her lips. It had been so long since she had been touched like this. And it had been so long since she had wanted someone as badly as she wanted him now.

Carter broke the kiss only to move his attention elsewhere. He kissed her neck, starting behind her ear and making his way down. Kirsten could feel the shivers of pleasure coming from within, and she couldn't silence the sighs and moans that made their way out.

"Kirsten, you are so beautiful," Carter whispered to her as he continued to caress her neck and collarbone with kisses. "I have wanted to do this to you from the first time I saw you."

"Carter.." Kirsten breathed, as their bodies were pressed together, and through his bathrobe she could feel his body responding to her own.

Kirsten held his face and directed his lips back to hers. Her hands began to tug at the tie of his robe, until his naked body was partially exposed. She pulled away from the kiss to glance at his chest, his stomach, and beyond. He was truly a beautiful sight. Their gaze met once again, and Carter began to undo the buttons on her silk blouse. Kirsten's cheeks were flushed and her lips were swollen from the intensity of his kisses, her chest heaving with ragged breath. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

As his hands made their way to the final buttons, he let his fingertips graze what was underneath. Kirsten hummed a melodious pleasure response. She literally felt as though her knees would give way.

Carter smiled at her, made short work of her shirt, and discarded it to the floor. His lips continued to tease her-- earlobe, neck, collarbone- and lower. He slipped one strap of her bra off of her shoulders, and began a soft trail of kisses along her shoulders and collarbone. The sensations that his facial hair was making on her bare skin were almost unbearable. Carter moved aside the black satin material of her bra, and began to gently tease the skin underneath with his tongue.

Kirsten moaned softly. "Carter, I can't-I can't stand up anymore," she managed to say between her heavy breaths. She couldn't remember the last time someone had such a profound effect on her body. Carter smiled devilishly and led her to the edge of the bed. He quickly began doing away with the rest of her clothing. When she tried to help, he restrained her.

"I have dreamed of the day when I would disrobe you," he informed her breathlessly, "please, let _me."_

Kirsten complied, balancing against him as he unzipped her skirt. He slid his hands down her hips and legs as he removed her skirt in ceremonious fashion. She could literally feel the arc of electricity that his touch provoked. Standing there, in just her underwear and high heeled shoes, she felt so completely beautiful. Because Carter made her feel that way. His adoring gaze, his lingering caresses, the way he breathed her name, whispering gently in her ear. She felt as though her body might explode, and partly wondered why he was moving so slowly. She had waited so long for him, and the anticipation was getting the best of her.

Carter leaned in to kiss her once again, his hands caressing her back and drawing her closer. He grasped her hips, and Kirsten could feel his skin, hot with desire, as it made contact with her own. His kiss was fierce and erotic, as were the whimpers that she couldn't help but elicit. Carter removed what little clothing was left on her, and let out a moan of his own. She was truly a sight to see. He let his hands explore her once again, all of her. Kirsten felt the last bit of strength leave her body, and she was forced to sit down on the bed. Carter moved away from her for a moment, just long enough to turn down the lights in the room, leaving only a slight incandescence around them.

In the dim light, Kirsten watched as Carter removed his robe, and moved to join her on the bed. There was nothing between them now, no clothing, no inhibitions, and the sensations were sending Kirsten over the edge. She lay back submissively as Carter moved over her. He leaned down to kiss her; her hands explored his body. She began at his shoulders and moved to his chest, then to his stomach. She marveled at the taut muscles she felt underneath her fingertips. His kisses became more intense with every stroke of her hand. Her exploration continued even further, to the place he was most sensitive. She took him in her hands, and Carter moaned her name. She watched as he closed his eyes, biting his lip as she played. A coy grin danced on her lips as Carter squirmed above her. After a few moments of caressing, Carter moved away from her and struggled to catch his breath. He had been with many women, but never anyone like Kirsten. Although professional and sometimes shy on the surface, he realized he had unleashed something in her that few people had ever seen. He considered himself lucky to be one of the few.

Carter returned to her after regaining his composure. "You are a little devil aren't you?" he growled into her ear, biting down on the lobe.

"Carter," she sighed breathlessly, enticing him once again. "I need you. I need you inside me."

No more cajoling was necessary; he was more than happy to oblige. He met her gaze and held it, wanting to watch her expression, and with one fluid motion, he was inside her. Her eyes rolled closed and she arched her head back into the pillow. She couldn't control the moan that evolved from within her. She arched her hips into him, giving him a better fit. The room around her seemed to fade out. She ran her hands down his back and grasped his hips, pushing him even deeper inside her. She was electrified by the throaty moans that Carter expressed to her.

"Kirsten, you-you feel so good.." he managed between panting. Their bodies moved in perfect rhythm, each giving the other what they had been needing for so long. Sighs mixed with groans of pleasure. Skin against skin caused exquisite friction. Adoration was whispered, one to the other. Kirsten dug her nails into his shoulders, her body coming closer and closer to release.

Her breaths were ragged and out of control. "I've wanted you for so long, Carter."

He looked down at this beautiful woman lying beneath him, and he wanted nothing more than to remember her the way she looked now. Submissive but adventurous, coy but in control at the same time. She was breathing his name, and she arched into him, almost making him lose control. He took her hands from around his neck and pinned them over her head. He felt that she wanted to be controlled, to be made feel helpless. And the look in her eyes confirmed his suspicions. With one hand he held her wrists, and let the other hand glide down her hip to grasp her leg. He brought it over his own, allowing him to enter her more deeply. His thrusts were beginning to take on a certain urgency, and as he held her in place, he could feel her body begin to shake. Her moans were becoming louder and more erotic, her head thrashing on the pillow. Carter increased the rhythm, pushing in to her hard.

Carter leaned down and kissed her mouth hard. He knew she was close to climax, as was he.

Kirsten continued to moan his name. "Carter, oh–Carter you're so good." And with one final thrust from Carter, she slipped over the edge and the pleasure overtook her body. Her moans became screams, mixed with those of Carter, and she knew that he had climaxed as well; she could feel him pulsing within her. After a few moments of bliss, the world began to return to them, little by little. They lay together for a while, enjoying the contact for as long as possible.

Her body felt heavy with wine, exertion, and satisfaction. Carter moved from atop her, and padded across the room to open the French doors just a bit. The fresh air felt wonderful, and Kirsten moved the covers back, sliding underneath them. Carter joined her in bed, snuggling in behind her. They lay together, the night air moving over them, their hands clasped. No more words were spoken, only quiet awareness. There was no guilt, at least not tonight. This room, this moment was all that existed.

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**Let me know what you think:)**


	5. Undisputed Reality

**Thanks for your reviews once again, guys. It really inspires my confidence that you like my writing. **

**This chapter is a little broken up; I'm trying to pull all the characters' perspectives together. I think it's gonna get very interesting...**

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_Re-enact your legendary tragedy...  
And do to me what has been done to you...  
Is that the only point to all this misery?  
Is there any reason I should cry?_

Sandy sat up in the living room, alone. He had been so wrapped up in his paperwork that he hadn't realized how late it had become. Almost midnight. And why was Kirsten not home? His first instinct was to be worried for her safety. That instinct was immediately followed by a different worry.

He reached for his phone and dialed Kirsten. Three rings and then a cheerful voice mail.

"Honey, I was just calling to see if you were okay," Sandy replied. "It's getting kinda late, just call me and let me know you're all right. I love you."

He hung up, staring at his phone for a few seconds. It was so unlike Kirsten not to let him know what was going on. Which made him unsure if he really wanted to know. Things had definitely not been easy for them by anyone's standards the last few weeks, and he knew that he was partly to blame for that. All the time away from home, the strange phone calls in the middle of the night. And then there was Rebecca. So many nights he had spent working on her case, and trying to work out his feelings at the same time. Seeing her again was something that he never thought he would face. It brought him back to a different time in his life. There were so many unresolved issues between him and Rebecca, which probably explained why things got out of control. Too much tequila and too many lost years took it's toll that night in the hotel room they were stranded in.

Every time Kirsten asked him about it, he always told her the same thing. Nothing was going on. Rebecca was just a client. He just couldn't face the reality of what he had done, and although he immediately regretted it, he knew it could not be taken back. Just one night had the potential to destroy everything he and Kirsten had spent twenty years building. He knew he was not prepared for that to happen.

But maybe that was what was happening now, Sandy wondered. _Maybe I'm being punished. Kirsten is using her suspicion of Rebecca and I to get some kind of revenge. _He wanted to give Kirsten the benefit of the doubt, but the late hour and the lack of a comforting phone call was leading him to believe the worst. He waited up a few more minutes before locking up and heading to bed.

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Kirsten awoke with a startle. The morning's light had already begun filtering through the open French doors. She sat up in a panic. Glancing over at Carter, she immediately felt sick. Not that she didn't remember what happened last night, but because she did. _Sandy must be worried out of his mind._ She got up and scrambled in the dim light for something to wear. She found Carter's robe just where he left it and wrapped it around her. She found her purse and rummaged through its contents for her cell phone. _He's probably called a dozen times. The police are probably looking for me. _She flipped it open and read the screen. One new voice mail. Read now? 

Kirsten listened to Sandy's message, and felt the sick feeling return to her stomach. She wanted to believe it was just too much wine last night, but she knew better. Something in the tone of Sandy's voice let her know that he suspected something. The reality of what she had done was like a thick cloak, surrounding her every thought. Those thoughts were bombarded by Carter's voice.

"Morning," he said stretching, "what time is it?"

"It's almost seven," she replied, not daring to turn around. "We need to check out as soon as possible. I have to get home."

Carter knew that she was reeling from last night, and he certainly didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable with the situation. "Of course," he responded. He got up and retrieved his clothes from the bathroom. He appeared again after a few moments.

Kirsten then made her way to the bathroom, but not before gathering her clothes from the floor. She met Carter's eyes for only a moment, and immediately felt–something. She just didn't know what. It certainly wasn't disgust. Regret maybe. Mixed with a little fear. It wasn't just her and Carter anymore, like it was last night. Reality had come back in full force, and as Kirsten retreated to the bathroom to get dressed, she tried to think of what she would tell her husband.

"I'm going to check us out of here," Carter informed, standing just outside the bathroom door. "You can just meet me at the car if you'd like."

"Okay," was the only response that she could muster. She couldn't face him, couldn't look him in the eye. Not without thinking of him, of things she shouldn't be thinking of. Part of her was sorry for even coming on this trip in the first place. Sorry for putting herself in such a vulnerable situation. Hers and Sandy's relationship had been strained at best, and this was not going to do anything but complicate things even more. But the other part of her was not sorry at all. Carter had aroused passion in her that had been reclusive for so long. He was refreshing and brilliant and sexy and–she knew this had to be the end of it. But of all the feelings running through her, one was missing. She did not and could not completely regret what had happened with Carter. She hoped like hell it would come soon. For her conscience's sake. For her marriage's sake.

* * *

The drive back to Newport was uneventful and filled with silence. Kirsten couldn't bring herself to talk about what had happened. She still couldn't believe that she let herself become so vulnerable. Her head was throbbing and her stomach was sick. She had called Sandy before they left to let him know why she didn't come home. She and Carter drank too much wine and didn't feel safe driving home, so the hotel put them up for the night, she told him. She tried to make it sound as innocent as she could, but deep down she could tell that Sandy didn't fully buy in to her scenario. 

Carter was very quiet as well. He could tell that Kirsten wasn't feeling well. And it wasn't because she was hung over. He wanted to feel terrible for putting her in such a position, but the truth was, he didn't regret a thing. Last night had been one of the most memorable nights he had ever spent with someone. And it was just about the sex. The closeness, the way he and Kirsten seemed to connect at the soul when they were together. Just a simple conversation with her was worth waking up for. He could feel his thoughts begin to drift into dangerous territory, so he cleared his mind and tried to focus on the scenery.

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity, they arrived at the Newport Group. Kirsten gathered what little belongings were hers and walked inside, with Carter following closely behind. She left her paperwork on her desk and turned to leave when she was stopped by Carter standing in the doorway. She glanced quickly at him, and then to the floor. This had to be done, even though she didn't want to. 

"Carter," she began, rubbing her aching head, "things can't go on like this. We have to work together every day, and we can't with this much tension. What happened last night–" she paused awkwardly, "that has to be it. Things have to go back to the way they were. This is my reality," she said, fanning her hands about the room. "I have a job to do, and a family to care for, and a husband who's waiting on me at home. We have to try to put our feelings aside. I have to find my life again."

Carter listened with his heart in his throat. He knew this conversation was coming. He knew Kirsten was the kind of woman who would never turn her back on her commitments. He knew that what happened last night would have to be the end of it, like she said. He just didn't realize it was going to hurt so badly.

"Kirsten, I never meant to make you feel this way. I let my emotions get the best of me, but I assure you, I will try to put things back like they were. This job is important to me too, and I want it to work out to both of our benefits. I don't want our relationship to be strained. But I have to say something to you." Carter moved ever closer to her. "Last night will always mean something to me." He tipped her chin upward, and her eyes met with his. "I have never felt as close to another person as I did last night with you. And yesterday with you. And last week with you. Kirsten, last night was just a culmination of weeks worth of feelings that I have been trying so hard to deny." He lifted a hand to stroke her hair while he spoke. "I just wanted you to know how I felt about you," he said finally.

Kirsten found herself in a very familiar scenario, but reality had the upper hand. Her heart was racing from his touch, but she backed away. "Carter, I need to go home. Sandy's waiting for me."

Carter closed his eyes in quiet resignation. He felt a pain shoot through his chest as she breezed past him. Why did this hurt so much? He knew he was going to face this sooner or later. He rubbed his weary face and turned to leave. He hoped a shower and some tequila might help to assuage the blanket of pain that was threatening to smother him.

* * *

Kirsten pulled in to the driveway, uneasy about having to face Sandy. On the way home she had tried not to let the tears stain her face, but inevitably she could not stop them. She had felt so lonely for so long, and she had just pushed away the one person that made her loneliness go away. 

She entered the house quietly, praying for a miracle that no one would be up. As she walked through the kitchen, she noticed a note pinned to the refrigerator. _Gone to catch some waves. Be back soon -Sandy. _Thank God, she thought to herself. This would give her a chance to shower. She was uneasy enough about facing him; she certainly didn't want to face him with Carter's scent still attached to her.

Kirsten disrobed and moved to the bathroom. She turned on the shower stream and stepped under it. Hot water poured over her, cleansing her. She could feel Carter everywhere. In her hair, in her mouth. She tried to divest herself of any and all reminders of him. At least that's what her mind was telling her to do. As the water washed over her, it met with every part of her body. Just as he had done the night before. She remembered how tender his touch was, how soothing and erotic his voice was as he whispered in her ear, how safe she felt as she fell asleep in his arms.

_What the hell is wrong with me?, _she asked herself. _I have a husband who will be home any minute and I'm lusting over another man while in our shower! _She changed her course of thought to the next necessary conversation to be had. She knew that Sandy would have questions. Now all she had to do was decide to answer them or not answer them. Tell the truth or live a lie? Both had grave consequences. But this was her reality. She had been unfaithful, so the weight was on her shoulders. She just hoped that she was strong enough to withstand it.


	6. Disconnected

**Thank you for viewing my latest installment in this Kandy/Carsten saga**!

**Please R&R:)**

* * *

The next couple of weeks went by without incident. No more had been said about Featherbrook, or much of anything else for that matter. Sandy spent his days, and most of his nights, at work. Kirsten had managed to avoid a confrontation with him the day she returned from her trip with Carter. But she didn't know which was worse, not fighting about it or not speaking at all. Their conversations had become sterile and polite. Very minimal affection was exchanged. She felt so far away from him, and she hated that. Her and Sandy had always been so close, but the last few months had been hell for them. Seth and Ryan left for the summer, Sandy changed jobs, Rebecca came along–and then Carter. They had barely had time to jump one hurdle before they were forced to jump the next one.

Things with her and Carter hadn't been much better. Their conversations were short and limited to work-related issues. Even so, the glances were still smoldering. They had agreed not to let it interfere, but their attraction was still there, and couldn't be completely ignored. Kirsten missed the way they used to chat about any and everything. But that was gone now. It had to be. She couldn't allow herself to open up to him like that anymore.

Despite her best efforts, her thoughts often drifted back to the night they were together. Not only had she let herself be seduced, she liked it. And she knew she would do it again if time was reversed. She wanted—needed—to feel guilty, but it just wasn't there. Sandy had been ignoring her for so long, and Carter made her feel alive again. However, she managed to keep these feelings all to herself for the sake of her marriage.

Kirsten tried to stay upbeat when she was at work, around Julie and Caleb. And at home she was cheerful and somewhat affectionate. She surely didn't want to give the boys any reason to think there was a problem.

But when she was alone, which was most nights, she shut herself away. All those feelings she displayed for everyone else, they were only skin deep. The truth was she was miserable. Her husband didn't want her, and she had pushed Carter away. She felt like she had no one, and the loneliness was taking its toll. The wine that she used to turn to for comfort just wasn't enough anymore. Its replacement was the clear ice-cold liquid that was the novocaine to her wounds. While Sandy was working, she was at home, drinking, and wishing to God she could be happy again.

* * *

Sandy arrived home from work with a lot on his mind. He had been thinking about Kirsten, and the way she had seemed so different lately. Most nights when he would come home, she would already be asleep. He couldn't remember the last time they had an actual conversation. Not about anything important.

He decided to surprise her by doing something nice. Something to begin bridging the gap between them. He opened the door and discarded his keys. "Honey," he called from the kitchen, "I thought we might go out tonight. Somewhere nice. I know we haven't been spending a lot of time together and I–"

Sandy glanced to the living room, where he saw Kirsten stretched out on the couch, sleeping. The television was blaring, broadcasting the end of a movie. He moved closer to her. "Kirsten, honey," he said as he nudged her, but with no response. His attention was diverted to the glass sitting on the floor. He studied its contents, sniffing it, and his senses burned with the odor of vodka. He sighed and placed the glass on the coffee table. "C'mon," he said to her. "Let's get you to bed." He gathered her up in his arms, Kirsten never waking.

After situating her, Sandy returned to the kitchen with a heavy heart. She wasn't just sleeping, she was passed out cold. And this wasn't the first time in the last couple of weeks that this had happened. He always knew that Kirsten enjoyed an occasional glass or two of wine, but where had he been for this? Sure there was nothing wrong with drinking in a social setting, but getting hammered alone, that was something else completely.

He knew that they needed to talk about it, but he honestly didn't know how to approach her. Their foundation had already crumbled considerably, and he was afraid that a confrontation would cause certain disaster. He wanted to talk to her about a lot of things. Her increased drinking, their lack of communication, why that ever since she had come back from Featherbrook, she had been avoiding him altogether. Sandy knew that his wife was very unhappy, and he wanted to help her. But he wasn't sure that she even wanted to be helped, especially not by him.

* * *

It was Friday afternoon, and Kirsten was finishing up some end-of-the-week paperwork. She was wrapped up in it when she heard a soft knock at her door. It was Carter.

"Hey," she said to him. "Come in." _Lord, where was this going to go_, she wondered.

Carter obliged, moving across the room to perch on her desk. "Kirsten, there's something I need to tell you."

Kirsten braced herself for what he might say. "I'm listening," was all she could come up with.

Carter breathed out and began, "I've been offered another job. In New York. Starting next week."

Kirsten stared blankly. "You're leaving?"

"I think I need to. It's a really great opportunity, and I'm sure you and Julie will have no problem finding a replacement for me."

_There is no replacement for you_, Kirsten said within herself.

"Besides," he continued, "I think it will make things easier for the both of us. The past couple of weeks have been really difficult for me. Trying to pretend like nothing happened, which we both know is not true. I think some distance might be just the thing to get everyone back on track."

His words were like a punch in the stomach. Kirsten forced a smile, not lending attention to his latter statements. "Carter, I think it's great. You deserve the success and the recognition. I'm happy for you."

Her words in turn were like a punch in the stomach for him. He couldn't believe how unattached she had become from the whole situation. In fact, a little too unattached. Maybe this was just her cover, he thought. He decided that he couldn't leave without finding out.

"So I was thinking," Carter said. "I think we should celebrate. To our success with the magazine and my promotion. I certainly don't want to leave without saying a proper goodbye to you. Why don't you come over to my apartment tomorrow night, and I'll cook for you."

Kirsten's stomach rolled over with nausea from the prospect of being alone with him again. She stood up from behind her desk and turned to look out the window. "Carter, I don't know," she told him, unable to face him. But she did know. She knew she would go, because she could not say no to him.

"Just a simple dinner. That's all I want. Kirsten, you've become very dear to me, and it just doesn't seem right for me to leave with us not on good terms."

Kirsten uncrossed her arms and turned to face him. She knew she should protest, but the will was just not there. Especially when she saw the look in his eyes. The same look he had given her so many times before. He was looking at her soul. She smiled and looked away. "Okay," she said, defeated. "Just dinner."

"Of course," he replied. "Well, I'm going to head out for the day. I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kirsten nodded, and Carter turned to leave. She knew this was such a big mistake. After the fireworks of the last couple of weeks, there was no way this was a good idea. But she felt like she owed it to Carter, and to herself, to end things on a friendly note. Carter was a dear friend to her, and not saying goodbye was something she did not want to regret.


	7. So Long, Carter

**Finally, OMG I've been trying to post this for a week!!! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. It's kinda important to the rest of my story, so let me know what you think!**

** Although the main inspiration for this fic is the song Legendary by Lou Barlow, this chapter also received some fuel from Matt Kearney's "Nothing Left to Lose". I think the lyrics fit Carsten very well. Just my opinion but please read and review!  
**

* * *

Kirsten arrived home to find Sandy and the boys fighting over which take-out menu to order from. She stood back, out of sight, and smiled at them. This was her family, the ones that she loved, and for just a moment or two, things felt like they used to.

The Cohens spent the rest of the night enjoying take-out and each other's company. Seth and Ryan rattled on about the happenings of the week. Sandy and Kirsten listened on, exchanging awkward glances between them. Kirsten really didn't want to hear about Sandy's work week, and she didn't have anything to contribute from her own. She forced a smile, and finished off her fourth glass of wine. Or was it fifth? She shrugged inside, disconnecting herself from the conversation and heading to the kitchen. The boys finished their dinner and headed out for the night, leaving the two of them alone. Sandy followed Kirsten into the kitchen, where he found her filling her glass yet again.

"Well, me and the boys will be leaving first thing in the morning to go to Miami. You sure you don't want to come with us?" Sandy asked.

"I can't," she replied, draining about half of her glass of merlot. "There are some things at work that really need to be finished tomorrow, and I need to be here to make sure they are." She didn't speak a word of Carter's invitation.

"Really throwing them back tonight, huh?" Sandy inquired uneasily.

Kirsten turned to face him. "It's been a long week. It helps me to relax." she responded sharply.

"Like the vodka you've been hitting lately," he continued, "is that just to relax too?"

Kirsten glared at him from across the bar. "Have you been watching me?"

Sandy braced himself for what he knew was coming. "You've been passed out almost every night this week, and I'm just worried about you drinking."

Kirsten smirked, "I don't need a babysitter, Sandy. Maybe I have been drinking more lately, but I don't need you to be my referee. Things have been stressful at work and I–"

"Stressful since Featherbrook, you mean?" Sandy interrupted.

Kirsten set her stare and tried to hide the panic within her. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Ever since you came back you've been avoiding me. I need to know, did something happen with you and Carter?"

Kirsten's fear was replaced by anger. She turned to the sink to deposit her now empty glass. "Aw, Sandy don't do this. Not now."

Sandy kept going. "I think we need to talk about this, this wall that's been between us for so long."

"You've been avoiding me for months!" she spat. "All those nights you were working late, with her, and you expect me to believe that nothing went on with you two? You left me Sandy! You left me on Valentine's Day to be with her! You left me and conveniently got stranded in that hotel with her! What am I supposed to think?"

"Don't make this about me," he retorted. "This conversation is about you and why you won't talk to me anymore! Tell me what's going on with you." He moved to her side of the bar, but she turned away.

"Nothing is going on with me," she hissed. "And nothing happened with me and Carter. The same way nothing happened with you and Rebecca."

The implication in her statement was not lost on Sandy. He immediately dropped his head, knowing that this conversation was not one he wanted to have right now. Kirsten turned to the freezer, where she retrieved a small bottle of vodka. She turned to face him. "I'm going to the patio for a while, and then to bed. Don't bother waking me in the morning. And give my regards to your mother."

With that, the conversation was over. He watched her walk away, and he felt so many things. Anger, sadness, helplessness. Sandy had received no closure to the situation, and now was only more confused. He sat down at the bar, elbows on the counter, chin in hand. He wished he knew what he could say to make everything go back to the way it was before. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon, he was afraid.

He thought about her comment, 'nothing happened.' The way she had said it, he just couldn't believe her. But he also knew that she didn't believe him either. He knew what he and Rebecca had done was wrong, but Kirsten barely knew Carter. He and Rebecca had a past, an unsettled one at that. Carter had just breezed through town a few weeks ago, and all of a sudden she was running off to the wine country with him?

Even as he tried to rationalize his affair with Rebecca, he knew that no excuse could ever be enough. There was no excuse for it, and the guilt ate at him relentlessly. Sandy also knew that he and Kirsten were going to have to resolve this at some point, otherwise it would be the last nail in the coffin that was their marriage. He just hoped that it wasn't too late.

* * *

Kirsten awoke the next morning to an empty house. Sandy and the boys had been gone for hours. She checked the clock. Nine-thirty. She hadn't slept that late in a while. But she knew the events of last night and the pint of vodka she drank had more than a little to do with that. She was still so angry with Sandy, and it was so unlike them to leave an argument open like that. The things he had said, although true, still cut into her like a knife. She knew that he was aware of the attraction between her and Carter. Just like she was aware of the attraction there had been between Sandy and Rebecca. Why couldn't they just be honest with each other?, she wondered. They never used to hide things, not even trivial stuff, but lately she felt like they didn't know each other at all. She felt like she was talking to a stranger when she talked to Sandy. And even though part of her longed for the closeness they used to share, the other part was just too damned tired to try.

And to add to the mounting tension, she would be going to Carter's in a few hours. Not only did she not have her husband to depend on anymore, she was about to say goodbye to the one person she could. Kirsten went to the fridge and took out the tomato juice. As she poured a glass, she realized that an additional ingredient would be needed. It was going to be a very long day.

* * *

Kirsten arrived at Carter's apartment around six, a little earlier than she was expected. She had sat in that empty house for long enough. She just wanted to get this over with. She checked her hair and makeup before making her way to his door. She felt a little overdressed for the occasion, a flowing skirt and coordinating silk blouse--but what the hell, she thought. This was probably the last time they would see each other, and she wanted to make a good last impression.

Kirsten climbed the stairs to his second story apartment and rang the bell. She was greeted by Carter shortly. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. Dressed in jeans, his shirt untucked, his hair still damp from showering, and his facial hair neatly trimmed. She had never seen anyone look as good as he did now.

"Come in," he said to her in that soft tone. She bit her lip and obliged him, knowing like hell she should turn and leave.

"Wow something smells great in here," she said, trying to mask the awkwardness. "You really pulled out all the stops for this one."

"Well, it's kind of an important dinner," he responded. "I wanted to make a good last impression"

_Funny he used the same words, _she thought inwardly.

"I brought the wine," she finally added, after a few moments of silence.

"Great, I'll open it and we can enjoy some now. Dinner still likes a few minutes."

Thank God, she thought. Her nerves were already getting the best of her, and a glass of wine would do wonders.

She sat on the couch, and Carter returned momentarily with two full glasses. He sat opposite her in an oversized chair. "So," Kirsten began, "tell me all about this new job."

He filled her in on all the details, and the conversation continued from there. They talked about the past few weeks and how he hated Newport in the beginning. In just a short time, they were laughing and reminiscing. The awkwardness of the last few weeks was gone. They were enjoying each other's company once again, and it felt wonderful. Kirsten had been so sad for so long it seemed. She just wanted to feel something besides that.

Carter was in the middle of a story about Julie; they were both laughing, uncontrollably at times. He moved to the couch beside Kirsten, and she could feel her body tense from his closeness. She forced a nervous smile, not because she was uncomfortable with his proximity, but because she wasn't. He seemed to sense her change in demeanor, and took a few moments to drink her in. She was a heavenly sight, her hair falling like a veil around her face, her eyes animated with laughter. He knew it would be so hard for him not to see her anymore, but his leaving was a necessary step.

"Kirsten," he said to her, changing the subject. "I just want you to know that I wouldn't trade these last few weeks for anything in the world. At first, this place was just another stop on my journey, just another job. But I'm so glad I took it, because if I hadn't, I never would have met you. You've become very important to me," he said, moving closer, placing his empty glass on the table, and taking hers as well. "I'll be honest with you. I almost didn't take this job, because I didn't want to leave you."

Kirsten felt the ever-familiar stirring within her, the same feeling she got every time he looked at her, every time he spoke. But she knew she had to be strong this time. "Carter," she said, looking down at her hands, trying to put into words what she was thinking, "as happy as I am for you about this job, letting you go is not going to be easy for me either. Working with you has been so great, and I—"

Their conversation was interrupted by the oven, announcing its completed task. Oh the blessed intervention, Kirsten thought.

Kirsten averted her attention away from him, and Carter dropped his head with a knowing smile. "I think we should eat now."

* * *

The dinner was pleasant, although quiet. The shadow of the previous conversation hung over them both. Kirsten had consumed several glasses of wine throughout the meal to try and calm her jitters. When they were finished, Carter began clearing away the dishes, and Kirsten moved to help him.

"Wow, Carter, that was really amazing. Thank you so much for inviting me. I don't think I could have stood another second in that empty house. I'm glad I got to come here and say goodbye to you."

"I'm glad you could make it," he said to her. "I'm actually surprised that you showed up. I figured you would opt out considering, well, everything that's happened." His eyes scanned hers, and he could feel the heat rising up in him.

She felt her cheeks blush at the mention. He watched her from just a few feet away, and the distance was becoming unbearable. He wanted so much to touch her again, to make her troubles melt away like before. "Carter, having you around has meant a lot to me. Things at home have been, well, let's just say they've been better, and I—I'm sorry." Kirsten realized what she was saying and began to panic. "I shouldn't be telling you this. I really should go."

She turned to leave when she felt Carter coming up close behind her. "Kirsten, please don't leave," she heard him say. She stopped when she felt his touch on her arm. She turned to face him, aching to be close to him. "I don't want you to feel like there's anything you can't tell me," he said softly. "I know that things haven't been good for you at home. You don't have to say anything for me to know that. I can tell you're unhappy, and I wish there was something I could do to change that. There is nothing that hurts me more than to see you like this, Kirsten. And I'm sorry if my presence here has caused any of that pain."

She could feel the tears began to sting her eyes, and she turned her face to hide them. _I don't want him to see me like this,_ she thought. But she couldn't hide from Carter. He knew her too well.

Carter guided her gaze back to his, and saw the tear escape from her beautiful eye. He felt his compassion for her rise up, and he brought his hand to her face, gently wiping away her sadness.

"Carter," she replied, moving past him in one last ditch effort to maintain her composure. She stood at the bar, facing away from him, with her arms crossed, as if to guard her heart from his intrusion.

Carter moved closer to stand behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. Her body tensed first, then relaxed. She welcomed his touch, wanting desperately to make a connection.

"Kirsten," he whispered to her, as he moved even closer, their bodies now touching. "Let me help you to forget, just for a little while."

After hearing no protest leave her lips, his hands moved to stroke her beautiful blonde hair. Kirsten could feel her body melt into him, into this moment, and all of a sudden, nothing else really mattered. It was always about so much more than lust with them. His presence had the power to heal her pain, if only just for a moment.

Carter kissed the top of her head, as his hands slid down her sides to rest on her hips. He felt her lean against him, and he brought his hand to the nape of her neck. With his fingers, he swept her hair aside, leaving trails of fire on her delicate, bare skin. She breathed in deep and exhaled a sigh, enjoying every minute of his caress. He moved his lips to kiss behind her ear, a place he knew she liked. His facial hair made wonderful sensations, and she shivered in response. His hands moved around her waist, slipping underneath her shirt to caress the skin beneath. She moaned softly for him, and she could feel the ache building in her core. Then, as if reading her mind, he moved his hands to the hem of her knee-length skirt. Working his way up the inside of her thigh, devilishly slow, his caresses finally met the most private secrets of her body. He moved aside the silk material he found there, and gently teased her delicate skin, sliding a finger inside her. She moaned again, a little louder this time, and he smiled as she braced against the counter for support. He played a little longer, then mercifully pulled his hand away. He smiled as he watched her breaths become erratic, and made his way to the front of her, looking in to her eyes.

"I want to always remember you the way you look now," he said to her, and not waiting for a response, kissed her mouth. She pressed her body close to his, and returned his kisses with a fury of passion. She pulled away, and began to undo the buttons on his shirt. Slowly, methodically, she reached the last one. She ran her hands over his now bare chest, then moved lower to the waist of his jeans. She tugged at the closure, her gaze never leaving his own. Her breath was heavy, her cheeks flushed. She needed this. More than she had ever needed anything. Her hands had finally found their target, as she undone his jeans and slid her hand inside, stroking him gently. He moaned her name, and enjoyed the contact for as long as he could.

He grabbed the hem of her shirt, and in one motion, pulled it over her head and discarded it to the floor. Their bare skin slid together exquisitely, as Carter leaned in for another kiss. He took her by the hand, and led her to his bedroom. Leaning her against the wall for a moment, he removed her bra. He used his tongue to caress her breasts, her stomach. Doing away with the rest of her clothing and his own, he led her to the bed. They lay together, reveling in the closeness for just a bit. Kirsten moved over him, kissing his chest, moving lower and lower, until she reached the part of his body most sensitive to her touch. She stroked him gently and took him into her mouth. She wanted her body to know every inch of him.

Carter watched her as she played seductively, her lips and tongue bathing him in warmth. He stroked the back of her head as she continued, until he could not stand it a second longer. "Kirsten," he managed, calling her back. "I need you. One last time."

She moved atop him, settling herself over him and guiding him inside. She breathed out an uncontrollable sigh as he filled every part of her. Carter grasped her hips, pushing her down onto him. They found their rhythm, and the dance began. No words were necessary, they allowed their bodies to speak to each other. Each knew what the other wanted, needed. Carter watched as she moved seductively above him, and her moans were the sexiest thing he had ever heard.

Carter pulled her down and kissed her hard, rolling them over so he was on top this time. She smiled, as they repositioned, and found their rhythm once again. He pinned her hands, as their moans became more and more intense. A few more hard thrusts and both found the climax they had been craving. After a few moments of heaven, the pleasure subsided. Carter, still remaining within her, kissed her once again, softer this time. He didn't want the contact to end, he didn't want her to leave. But he knew that this night would be over soon. He moved from above her and lay down beside her. Her body glistened with the sweat of their exertions. He admired her beautiful form, not wanting to forget a single inch of her.

They lay together for a while. Kirsten turned toward Carter and draped her arm across his chest. She was mesmerized by the rise and fall of his breathing. Neither spoke a word, and for a few wonderful moments, they just enjoyed the silence. But then her thoughts suddenly turned to Sandy. He would be home tomorrow. She didn't know if she could bear another fight with him. Upon thinking about him, Kirsten was immediately embarrassed by her nakedness, and aware of the reality returning to her. She got up, moving around the room to retrieve her clothing that was scattered about the apartment. Carter watched as she nervously dressed herself. He slipped on his jeans and walked over to her. She stopped him before he could say a word.

"Carter, I can't stay, so please don't ask me to. I should be at home right now. I'm sorry but I need to leave now before I find that I can't." She turned to walk out of the room.

"Kirsten, I want you to know that I love you." His words stopped her in her tracks. She turned to find him standing right behind her. He caught her arm and brought her closer.

"Carter, you know I can't say that."

"I know," he responded. "You don't have to say anything, because I already know. You say it when you whisper my name, when you touch me. That's all I need, Kirsten. I just couldn't leave without telling you the truth. But if we've taken this as far as it can go, I just want you to know that this is enough for me. Just one night with you was worth it. Just to know you the way I do now."

Kirsten dropped her gaze, trying so hard to find the strength to go. "Carter, I will never forget you. But I have to go now." She fought back the tears as they made their return. "Good luck with your new job."

She turned to leave, and this time he didn't try to stop her. He simply followed her to the front door. She turned back to him one last time. He placed his hands gently on her face and brought his lips to hers for a final embrace. She pulled away as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "Goodbye, Carter."

"So long, Kirsten." And with that she turned to leave, not daring to look back. He watched her as she disappeared from sight, and he felt the pain well up in him like a flood. He went to the kitchen, and took a bottle of tequila from the pantry. He made his way to the balcony, where he sat alone. The warmth of the liquor would be the only comfort he would feel tonight.

Kirsten barely made it to her car before the waves hit her. She tried so hard to fight them back. _You have no right to feel this way, _she told herself. She managed to start making her way back home. She thought about Carter, and the way he looked at her like a piece of his soul had been stolen. She didn't want to leave him, but she knew she couldn't stay.

* * *

She arrived home miraculously safe, considering the alcohol and her emotional state. When she passed through the empty kitchen, she noticed there was a message on the machine. There was only one person she could think of that would leave a message tonight.

She pressed the button to listen.

"Honey, it's me. I guess you're already sleeping. I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing. Me and the boys will be heading back tomorrow evening, and I really want to see you. I want you to know I'm sorry about the fight we had. I just want us to be close again. I love you and I'll see you soon."

She stood with her back pressed to the refrigerator as she listened. The guilt of what she had done choked her. The tears were coming, she could feel them.

She walked to the bathroom and took off her clothes. She turned the shower on, hot as she could stand it. As the water fell over her, she felt her foundation crumbling below her. The tears started flowing and the strength left her legs. She slid down the shower wall until she was crumpled on the floor, the sobs now racking her body. She hugged her knees and buried her face, so ashamed of the infidelity she had committed–not once but twice. She didn't see how Sandy would ever forgive her. But what upset her the most was even while she was feeling remorse, the pain of Carter's departure was mixing with her guilt. It was a lethal combination of hurt that she never thought she would have to endure. As the water continued to bathe her, she wished there was something that could reach into her heart and cleanse it as well.

She stayed in the shower until the last of the hot water was gone. Her composure had returned, at least for now. She toweled off and wrapped herself in Sandy's robe. Walking back to the kitchen, she searched for the substance that would ease her pain. Way in the back of the freezer, she found it. Not even bothering with a glass, she carried the half-empty bottle into the bedroom. Perching on the end of the bed, she looked out the doors overlooking the pool. The tears began to return. She was tired of feeling lonely. She decided feeling nothing would be a better alternative, so she began drinking until the numbness overtook her body. As she was drifting off to sleep, she longed for a chance at ever having a normal life again.


	8. A Way Back Home

_Heal – takes time  
And you gave me all you had  
I know in time, I will believe  
That I loved you  
Did you love me?  
Did you love me?_

The next few days were hell. Kirsten's head ached, and every time she and Sandy tried to converse, they ended up in a fight. As a result, Sandy continued to spent most of his time away from home. And Kirsten spent a lot of her time at the office. Time had really ceased to exist the way she remembered it. She just made days from the hours. She dreaded going home, and when she did decide to come home, she mainly spent her time alone. On the patio, in front of the TV, it didn't really matter. As long as she had a drink to take the edge off.

Sandy and Kirsten tried to spend enough time together to keep the boys from knowing something was wrong. The last thing they needed was to have to explain their selves to their kids. But when it was just the two of them, they were either fighting or not saying anything at all.

Not a day went by that she didn't think of Carter. The pain of his leaving sat in her chest like a stone. It was so heavy sometimes that she swore she couldn't breathe. And what made it worse was she couldn't talk about it to anyone. Solitude had become her only friend.

* * *

Kirsten was quietly lost in her thoughts when they were interrupted. Jan, her office assistant knocked softly at the door.

"Mrs. Cohen, we were cleaning out Carter's office when we found this, with instructions that it be given to you." Jan placed a small gold box on the corner of Kirsten's desk.

"Thanks, Jan, just leave it there. That will be fine." She tried to busy herself and resist the urge to tear it open right in front of her. Jan smiled and left the room.

Kirsten stared at the tiny box, petrified with fear. Would this ever end? She finally, after a few uncertain moments, brought herself to open it. As she did, her heart hammered in her chest. Her fingers grasped the tiny pendent and took it from its resting place. She closed her eyes, and breathed out a heavy sigh. A tiny golden feather on a delicate chain. But there was more. She studied the box and found a note, and the words literally took the breath from her. _So you'll never forget me..._

Her stomach lurched a little and her head felt heavy. _As if I ever could, _she quietly thought. She fastened the necklace around her neck and smoothed it with her fingertips. She opened the drawer to her desk, reaching into the back until she found what she was looking for. Another tiny box; she just wanted to make sure its contents were still there. Opening the lid made her feel a bit sad, and also ashamed. She studied her rings for a few minutes before replacing the box lid, putting it back from where it came. She hadn't worn her rings in weeks now. There didn't seem to be much point in it. Sandy didn't want her anymore; he hadn't even noticed that she had took them off. Even though it hurt to think that, she really felt it was true. The way he looked at her, like he could see her shame. Maybe it was too late for them; she didn't know. She just needed an absolution.

She walked across the room, digging in a cabinet until she found the small bottle she had hidden there. Looking out the window, she drank deeply from it, pressing the feather pendant between her fingers and wondering what Carter might be doing at this very moment.

* * *

Carter flipped on the lights in the kitchen of his new apartment. His first day of work had went well. The workload was fair, the projects were interesting. It would be nice to dig in and develop some new ideas for the company. Nice, if he wasn't so distracted. No matter how hard he tried to forget, Kirsten's face would not leave his mind. Everywhere he went, every woman he passed on the street, he swore he could see her. He wanted so much to see her.

He hunted the shelves until he found some bottled comfort. He stepped out onto his balcony, bathed in sounds of the city. This city had its own life force that he prayed would overtake him, but every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was the ocean. He could hear the waves breaking on the cliffs, he could feel the sun on his skin as it began to set, Kirsten's eyes always somewhere in that sunset. _When would this ever end? _he wondered. How much longer would it hurt before his life became normal again?

He took a sloppy drink, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call her, just to hear the sound of her voice again. But he knew that he could not. She had made her choice and so had he. This was his reality. It had to be left at that. He just hoped he could endure the truth that statement contained.

* * *

Kirsten awoke to find she was alone in bed. She sat up, wiping her eyes, and looked at the clock. Almost nine. _Where was Sandy?_, she wondered. She hadn't heard him leave this morning. She rose, pulling her robe around her. The kitchen was empty. The boys had left for school a while ago, and she figured Sandy was probably surfing. Who knew, it's not like they talked about it lately. She poured some orange juice in a small tumbler, then paused, turning back to the fridge. _I just need a little something to ease my head, _she reasoned. She pulled the vodka from the freezer, adding some to her glass.

"Jesus, Kirsten, it's a little early don't you think?" Sandy's voice startled her so badly, she almost dropped the bottle.

"Sandy, God you scared me," she said, grabbing her chest. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know that it's too early for screwdrivers."

Kirsten cut her eyes away, her lips pursed. immediately not liking this line of questioning. "You're starting to sound more and more like my father every day," she replied sarcastically, taking a long drink from her glass.

"Kirsten, this isn't normal behavior, not for anyone, but especially not for you. Anyone can see that you're hurting, and no amount of vodka is going to change that." He tried to approach her, but she only turned away.

"Why won't you talk to me," he begged.

She stopped in her tracks, angry from his badgering. "What exactly do you want to talk about, Sandy? Every conversation just turns into an accusation. Frankly, I'm just not up for it this morning."

"I suppose not after the pint of vodka you downed last night. I'm trying to help you, Kirsten. I'm trying to make things better between us. But I can't do it by myself. I know that all of this has something to do with Carter. I know that ever since he left, you've been puttering around here, passing out before supper—"

She slammed her empty glass down. "We're not having this conversation!" she interrupted harshly, her words like razors. "Carter's only been gone for a couple of weeks. This is much bigger than that. All you want to do is tell me I'm drinking too much and that I should just talk to you about it and everything will be fine." She raised her voice with every syllable. "Well it's not fine, Sandy! It hasn't been fine in I can't remember when! Yeah, Carter's gone, I know that. Our problems go a lot deeper than Carter leaving."

Her voice was laden with pain, and it hurt Sandy to hear her like that. She walked away, out the patio door. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes. He was so tired of fighting with her. Nothing he said or done was enough. He was so close to losing her, and that realization made him sick.

He followed her to the pool side. He watched her for a moment, sitting on the patio chair, propping her head against one hand, wiping a tear away with the other. He wanted so badly to comfort her, to hold her close the way he used to. But the fear of being rejected yet again held him back. He took a heavy breath and walked a little closer to her.

"Kirsten, I don't know what exactly is going on with you, but I'm sorry for whatever I've done to push you away. I don't want to lose you, but I don't know what else to do to fix this. If you can't talk to me, please talk to someone. Figure out what it is you want from me, from this marriage. Because we can't keep going like this. I want you to know that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. I love you more than my own life, but if that's not enough anymore, I need to know that. I need to know how this is going to turn out."

Sandy walked away, fighting back the tears. He didn't want to leave her like that, but he felt he had no choice. This was a decision she needed time to think about, he knew that.

Kirsten rubbed her aching head, and felt sick. She heard the door close behind her, and she knew he was gone. She just hoped not for good. She had never felt so lost in her entire life. Even through her hurt, she loved Sandy. She knew that. But she just hoped love would be enough to mend the fatal rip between them.

* * *

_Heal – it takes time  
And you gave me all you had  
I know in time, I will believe  
That I loved you  
You loved me  
You loved me._

Kirsten spent the rest of the day moping. She tried to get some work done, but Sandy's words weighed heavily upon her, and she knew that eventually they were going to have to talk this through. She was tired of the yelling and the fighting, and most of all, the deafening silence. But she had felt so out of synch with Sandy for so long, finding their rhythm again was a daunting task.

By mid-afternoon she'd had enough of sitting around. She needed to clear her head and make a decision. She grabbed her keys and headed out. She didn't know where she was going, she just let her emotions lead her.

_If you can't talk to me, please talk to someone. _Sandy's words taunted her. There were so many secrets between them, she didn't feel like she would ever be able to come clean with him. _How could he ever forgive me? _she wondered.

She drove around for what seemed like hours. _Talk to someone, _she kept saying in her mind. _But I can't. Who would I trust with my secrets? Except for Carter. But he's gone now. Except I have his number in my cell. _She was tormented by her own mind. She looked down to the console to see her phone staring back at her. _Am I really going to do this? _She picked it up and scrolled through the numbers. His name glared back at her, mocking her almost. The one person in the world she could talk to about this problem was a million miles away. But only one phone call away.

Almost instinctively she hit the call button. Her heart hammered in her throat at the thought of hearing his voice again. What would she say? A million things ran through her mind as she listened to the rings–one, two,_ maybe his voice mail will pick up_, she thought. Her wish was granted when, after five rings, she heard his message. Her stomach flipped when she heard him, even though it was just a recording. It was then that she realized how empty she had been since he left. Then it was her turn to speak.

"Carter, hi, it's me," she said with a shaky voice. "I just wanted to call and see how you were. And to thank you for the necklace; it's beautiful. I hope you're new job is everything you hoped it would be, and----" Her forehead creased with apprehension when she realized what she had done. "I–I'm sorry, Carter. I shouldn't have called. Please don't call back."

She flipped her phone shut and threw it into the passenger seat. She could feel the tears welling up and that familiar lump of pain swelling her throat closed. _Why did I do that? What the hell is wrong with me? I have a husband at home who's counting on me to make the right choice._ She fought with herself for a while, driving around but going nowhere. The overwhelming urge to drink returned to her with a vengeance. She drove until she found a bar, far away from her neighborhood. _Maybe I won't know anybody here. I just need to clear my mind. _

She pulled in and parked away from the building. It was almost dark but she didn't want to take the chance of anyone recognizing her car. She made her way inside. It was a small place, nothing fancy, but it was quiet and clean and there was nothing she wanted more than to stop the pitiful aching inside her.

She sat for a long time, nursing dry martinis along with her broken heart. No one approached her, thankfully, and she was left with nothing but time. Time to think about how this was all going to turn out. Her and Sandy. Her and Carter. The two men in her life that had meant so much to her in different ways. Sandy had always been her comfort. Predictable and safe, these were things she could always count on with him. But after everything with Rebecca, she just didn't feel that closeness with him. He couldn't even be honest with her about it. She knew that he was lying when he said nothing happened. She understood that now better than ever. It had taken Carter to make her understand why Sandy couldn't tell her. However, it still made her angry deep down.

What Sandy had been to her, Carter had been the opposite. Although she had found comfort in Carter, it was different. Carter was refreshing and they had an attraction that felt electric. When they were in a room together, alone or otherwise, he made her feel like nothing else existed. And it felt good. Carter simply made her feel a little less alone in a world that had become so unbearable, and when he left, she thought she would never be whole again.

Kirsten wiped a tear away from her face, hoping that no one was watching. But when she looked around, she saw that she and another person were the only ones there. And they looked as lost in their pain as she was.

She thought about the last things Carter had said to her before she left his apartment that night. He had told her that he loved her. She physically had to grab her stomach when she thought about it. But it wasn't just his words; it was the realization of how close she had come to leaving everything behind and staying with him that night. How close she came to choosing Carter over her husband. But reason had been on her side that night, and at her core she knew she had done the right thing by leaving. Carter had made his choice, and now it was time for her to make her own.

While Carter had brought something new into her life, she knew that it could never compare to what she had with Sandy. They had built a life together, however unstable their foundation had become. A twenty year marriage was hardly worth throwing away just because it appeared to be un-fixable. Carter had simply been an ointment to her wound, a temporary heal. She knew he would always mean something special to her, but only because of the way he cared and the purpose he served, not the things they had done.

She thought of Sandy, and the conversation she knew they had to have. Tonight. Things had drug on for quite long enough, and it was time to lay it all down. Her head was spinning from the martinis. She had lost count of exactly how many. But through the clouds of intoxication, one thing was finally clear. She needed to make things right with Sandy. No matter what his reaction, she had to tell him the truth. And she hoped she would receive the same courtesy.

Kirsten looked down at her left hand, and immediately felt the shame. The rings that she had took so much pride in before had been stored away for weeks now. She knew she couldn't face Sandy without them. This would without a doubt be the most important conversation they would ever have.

She took enough money from her purse to pay her tab and more than cover the tip. Despite all the alcohol she had consumed, her nervousness was almost paralyzing her. As she got in her car and drove away, she thought of the best course of action to approach Sandy. The events of the past few weeks had changed their relationship so drastically; they were going to have to learn how to talk to each other all over again.

It was time, though, to try and put things back the way they used to be. She was going home to face her reality. The reality that not just one night, but two, might have been enough to destroy something she had spent years building. It was a chance she knew she had to take, because their marriage could not survive at this pace any longer. As the lights of Newport came into view once again, her plan was becoming clearer. But she knew there was one more stop she had to make before going home.


	9. Time for Truth

**Thanks for reviewing...you guys are great!  
**

* * *

Kirsten arrived at the Newport Group after what seemed like hours of driving. She had drank way too much to be behind the wheel, but she didn't see any other alternative. She didn't want to talk to Sandy until she had been home a while and had time to compose herself. If she called him now, it would defeat that entire purpose. _I'll be fine, _she assured herself as she stumbled out of the car, immediately steadying herself.

She found her office and plopped down in her chair, trying to calm her spinning head. Her stomach fluttered with anxiety. She didn't really want to have this conversation with Sandy, but it was time. She thought about him, his comforting embrace and how long it had been since she had felt it. She thought about her kids, her job. She thought about how fulfilling her life was in general, and how that Sandy just made everything better. They had no doubt faced a rough few months, but deep down she had always had faith that they could work through it. Besides, they were Sandy and Kirsten. The moral center of the universe, or so Julie had told her once. If Julie only knew the happenings of the last few months, she might be inclined to retract that comment. No relationship was perfect, she knew that, but hers and Sandy's was damn near close. Most men would have thrown up their hands and walked away from her, but he hadn't. Even though she knew right now he was not happy with her, he was still there. She hoped that tonight would not change that.

Kirsten opened her desk drawer, and found the box she had tucked away inside. When she opened it, she smiled and breathed a sigh. She took out her rings and placed them back on her finger, where they belonged. She felt guilty for ever taking them off in the first place. The past few months had been so confusing. Rebecca and Carter had left quite a wake. They had just made a bad situation even worse. Despite that, she couldn't help it when his face popped into her mind from time to time. A little less every day, but still his memory remained. But now when she thought of him, it didn't invoke the same response as it did even a month ago. Her feelings for him had faded, because her feelings for Sandy had regained the intensity they had held for twenty years. She knew that he was hers. It was the way it was supposed to be.

Her attention returned to her wedding rings. She twirled them, feeling that sense of pride return. That feeling was dimmed only slightly by the apprehension of what she was about to do. She walked out of the office and back to her car. As she started the engine, she knew that there was one last thing she needed to do.

* * *

Kirsten parked her car and made her way down to the water. She had brought her purse with her, more out of habit than anything. She left it on a crag of rock, deciding she wouldn't need it after all. The cove was so picturesque, bathed in moonlight. This was one of her favorite places to go when she needed some alone time. She could get so close to the ocean that she almost felt consumed by it. When she was tormented by her thoughts, the ocean's angry surges seemed to put her problems into perspective somehow. She needed to come here tonight, to get some closure on the suffering and hurt that had plagued her for so long. The rocks stretched out into the ocean for several feet, and she walked out as far as she could. Her footing was a little shaky; this was much easier to do in the daytime, and when she hadn't had quite so much to drink. Regardless, she stood there, the waves crashing hard just a few feet below where she was standing. She watched the water, illuminated by millions of sparking lights, giving the effect of diamonds floating in the surf. As the waves hit, they created a beautiful spray that floated like fog around her, misting her. She shivered a little, and decided it was time to do what she had come here to do.

Kirsten reached around her neck and unfastened the chain. She held it in her hand, feather pendant glinting in the night. The moonlight was just bright enough to allow her to study it for a few moments. She closed her eyes and thought about Carter, and the things he had said to her on their last night together. She thought about the way he looked at her, his eyes full of sadness, the reflection of his broken soul. She thought about the way he looked, shirtless and beautiful, as she turned and walked away from him. It was the last image she had of him, and as she stood there on that cliff, she couldn't stop a tear from escaping her eye. At one time, Carter had meant a great deal to her, and probably always would in small way. But what she had with him was a relationship for which she could only be grateful. She was grateful because it had shown her what she really wanted from her life. Her choice was Sandy; it would always be Sandy.

She looked down at the necklace one last time, and then to her rings. She needed one final symbolic gesture to close the book on the previous chapter in her life. "Goodbye Carter," she said, tossing the necklace into the furious waves below. She stood there for a few minutes, breathing in the salty air. She closed her eyes, mesmerized by the crashing waves, and for the first time in a while, she didn't feel burdened by sadness. She thought about Sandy again, and how much she had missed him. _I need my husband_, she said quietly to herself. She stared at the water for a few more minutes. Her goal here had been accomplished. She shifted her weight and turned to leave, when she was plagued by dizziness once again. Her hands went to her temples, as she heard the sound of crumbling, just as she felt the earth give way under her feet. She let out a sharp cry as the world shifted and her body connected with the ground. Just as quickly as it had began, it was over. Lying there, afraid to move, she slowly assured herself that she wasn't still falling, even though her head was still spinning ferociously. She tried to stand once again, but realized that she couldn't. She winced at the piercing pain she felt coming from her ankle. Her foot had become entrapped in a crevice in the rock she had been standing on. She clawed and struggled for a few minutes to free herself, but to no avail. She twisted in every direction, trying to pry her leg free. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally pulled until her foot was released. She fell back onto the rocks, exhausted. She sobbed quietly, thinking about how close she had come to falling over the edge. Taking a few minutes to catch her breath, she let out a sigh of relief. She was okay, but driving didn't seem to be an option at this point; she was too shaken up. She just wanted to get the hell out of there. There was only one option left, and she really didn't want to take it. Reluctantly, she stood up, grimacing at the pain in every step. When she couldn't take it anymore, she crawled, until she found her purse. She blindly dug until she found her phone. She was crying, partly from embarrassment for letting herself get in this shape, and partly because of how emotional this night had been. She opened her phone and found his cell number. He was the one person who could fix all of this, who could put her back together again. She dialed Sandy's number. _Please pick up,_ she silently pleaded.

* * *

Sandy drove as fast as he could to reach her. Something was wrong, although he didn't know exactly what. She had told him where she was, not far from their home, but he couldn't understand what had happened to her because she was crying. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest that he could barely breathe. He thought about their last conversation before tonight, and he was overcome by the fear of losing her. There was nothing in the world more important to him than his family, and he wanted to put it all back together again. Things had been wrong for so long; he knew it was time to be honest, about everything. But first, he just wanted to get to her, to make sure she was okay.

He saw her car parked to the side of the road, and braked hard. Pulling to the opposite side, he parked and was out of the car in one motion.

"Kirsten!" he shouted. "Where are you?" His eyes searched the moonlit shoreline, fearing the worst.

"I'm here, Sandy," she responded. He was flooded with relief at the sound of her voice. He continued to scan the ground, until he saw her. Sitting on the ground, her right leg stretched out in front of her.

"Honey," he said, kneeling down to scoop her into his lap. "What happened to you?"

She wiped her eyes awkwardly, feeling so childish. "Aw, Sandy, I was so stupid. I had too much to drink and I came here to do some thinking. I just lost my footing and twisted my ankle. It's fine, really."

He studied it as best he could in the dim light. He could just make out a faint trail of blood streaked across her ankle bone. "C'mon," he said to her, "let's get you to a doctor. It might be broken."

"No, Sandy," she said, desperately tugging at his collar. "It's fine. Please, I just want to go home. Please." The tears returned to her eyes. She had finally mustered up the nerve to have this all-important conversation with him; she didn't want any more delays.

"Okay," Sandy replied, taking her into his arms. "We'll go home. Just don't cry. I'll take you home now." His tone was comforting and warm, and she buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder. She didn't want to hurt him by telling him about her and Carter, but she knew he was hurting anyway because of the distance there had been between them.

* * *

They arrived home in just a few minutes. Sandy helped her from the car, supporting her weight with an arm around her back. "I can walk on it a little bit," she said to him. He held her hand as she slowly made her way into the house and to the bedroom. She sat on the bed, and Sandy went to the kitchen for a minute. He came back with towel and a bag of ice.

"Lie back a little," he said to her, taking off her shoes, and placing the ice on her swollen ankle. She winced slightly at the contact. She felt so ashamed at the wreck she had become. She was supposed to be the strong one, the one who had it together when no one else did. She had been so out of control the past few months. She wanted desperately to find that kind of stability again.

Sandy was sitting quietly, nursing her sore ankle. She watched him, his tender movements, the look of worry on his face. She could feel the tears coming back, and when she brought a hand up to wipe them away, he noticed.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked softly. The concern in his voice was just enough to shatter her already broken heart. She couldn't control the sobs that hit her hard.

"No Sandy, you're not hurting me. But I know I've hurt you. Sandy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry about my drinking, and most of all, I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you."

Sandy listened without speaking, letting her say what she needed to say. Something he was sure he already knew, but still didn't want to hear. He listened as she told him about Carter, about the night at Featherbrook and again at Carter's apartment the weekend he and the boys were gone to Miami.

Sandy dropped his head and closed his eyes, already knowing this was true, but still paralyzed by the reality of her admission. But the invasion of pain this confession caused was fueled even more by guilt over his own indiscretion. He knew it was his turn.

Kirsten watched him as he took it all in. Her stomach lurched with fear that he would abandon her. She looked at him, desperate for a reaction. He wiped a tear from his eye, and her heart was broken again.

"Sandy, I'm so sorry, please talk to me. I want to make this right." Sandy got up from the bed and walked around the room. Kirsten feared the worst was coming. He soon returned to the bed, sitting next to her once again. She watched his every move, trying to decipher his body language. After several painful, silent moments, he finally spoke.

Kirsten listened as he told her about Rebecca. The night in his office when he kissed her, and the night they were stranded in the hotel together. When he was finished, she propped back on her elbows, trying to stop the room from spinning. She was upset, even though she already knew. But most of all, she was relieved. Relieved that she had been right about them. She didn't think she could've lived with herself if Sandy really hadn't have slept with Rebecca. In this scenario, the guilt weighed equally on the both of them.

"Kirsten, I'm so sorry about all of this. I'm sorry I abandoned you so many nights. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't come to me. I want you to know that there is nothing that could keep me from you. Nothing." His voice broke into sobs as he looked at her, tears flowing. Kirsten moved to him, taking him into her arms. He sobbed against her, she cried softly. "Sandy, it's okay." she said as she stroked his hair. The wall that had stood between them for so long was beginning to come crashing down. They held on to one another, both cloaked in regret for the pain they had caused to one another.

They remained embraced for a long time, letting the reality of it all settle in. Kirsten was afraid to let him go, afraid that this was just a dream and if she let go, it would all be over. After a while, the crying had stopped and all that was left was quiet existence.

Sandy pulled away, drinking the sight of her in. Even with her rumpled clothes and smeared makeup, she was such a beautiful sight to him. He cupped her face, using his thumbs to wipe away the trails her tears had left behind. He moved closer to her, carefully watching to make sure his advances were welcome. He placed his lips softly on hers, and smiled as she kissed him back. He reveled in her taste, the warmth of her tongue as it danced with his own. She brought her hands around his neck, clutching him for support. She tried to move closer to him, but stopped and winced at the pain in her ankle. He placed his hand over her foot, his lips pursed together with concern at how swollen it had become. He took her hands, kissing them softly. "If that's no better tomorrow, you're going to see a doctor, no arguments. But for now, I think I know what will make you feel better."

* * *

**Tee Hee, let me know what you think!**


	10. Solid Ground

Sandy led Kirsten into the bathroom where he began helping her undress. "I think a hot shower will make your ankle feel better until we can get you seen about." She agreed, steadying herself as she disrobed. Sandy turned on a hot stream of water and helped her into the shower.

She sat down on the shower seat, thankful that they had one installed. She surely didn't think she would have the energy to stand for very long. Sandy stood outside the stall. "I'll stay right here in case you need me," she heard him say.

Kirsten closed her eyes and let the water trickle over her tired skin. She looked at the bruises on her forearms from where she caught her fall, and to the smear of blood and unsightly bruise beginning to form on her ankle bone. She breathed another sigh of relief when she thought about how close she came to falling. For one brief moment she had lost control, and it was scary. Kind of like the first night she was with Carter. Just one night threw everything off course. She cried softly, quietly when she thought about it. She thought about Sandy, and the look of hurt on his face when she had told him earlier. Even though his revelation had hurt her too, she had already had those suspicions, and had already had time to hurt. Carter had been her retaliation, she supposed, to the anger and disarray that Rebecca had caused.

She sniffed in the midst of her tears, when she looked up to realize that Sandy was watching her. "I'm sorry," she said to him. "Everything's just been so out of control, and I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. I wanted to talk to you about everything, but I just felt so far away from you. It's like I couldn't find you, even though you were right in front of me. I just want you to know that I wish none of this had ever happened. I just wish we could go back to the way we used to be."

"I know," Sandy replied, stepping into the stall with her, clothes and all. "We're getting there. It's just going to take some time. Just know that there is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you. I never stopped, even though we weren't speaking, even though I suspected something was going on. I never stopped." He stroked her soaking wet hair, and moved closer to her, placing his lips gently on hers. He squinted as the water sprayed his face, and Kirsten smiled, thinking how crazy he was for getting in the shower with his clothes on. His lips lingered softly on hers, and she ran her fingers through his hair. After a moment of embracing, she studied him and his soaking shirt. "You know," she said, undoing the buttons, "we should really get you out of these wet clothes."

He smiled and obliged, peeling his shirt and pants away, along with everything else. He helped Kirsten to her feet, and took her into his arms. "Do you know how long I've wanted to do this?" he asked her. "I just want to be close to you again." Kirsten smiled, stroking his face and bringing him down for another kiss. Their lips moved together gently, gracefully. The water fell down around them as they reconnected. His touch, his taste, everything about him, was like coming home again. Which was exactly what she had done. She had spent so much time disconnecting herself from her life at home, now she felt like she was discovering it all over again.

Sandy sat her down again, running his fingers through her hair. He reached for her shampoo and began washing her hair. His touch was relaxing, hypnotic, but at the same time, a little bit erotic. She closed her eyes, a slight smile playing on her lips. His fingers grazed her shoulders ever so slightly, making her shiver with anticipation. He found her soap and continued to wash her, every inch of her. His touch aroused her slightly, but more than anything, comforted her. Her body had been so fraught with turmoil; it was nice to be in a calm environment for a change. He ran his hands down her legs and held her foot for a moment, taking extra care around her injury. He washed the blood away from the scrape, and when he was finished, leaned in to kiss her once more. She returned his affection, taking the soap from him. She struggled to stand. "Now it's your turn," she said to him, smirking. She heard a growl escape from his throat, and she laughed. She washed him from head to toe, chest, stomach, and beyond. He closed his eyes, breathing harder with every caress. She was merciful, however. When she was done she turned to sit back down, her ankle throbbing. She grinned coyly when she saw what effect she had on his body. He smiled back, moving to sit beside her once again. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, as she sighed. Even though they were both slightly aroused, this time together was more about comfort and taking time to catch up on lost, tender moments. There used to be so many of those moments, but the last few weeks had deprived them both.

They sat together for a few more minutes, until the water began to run cold. "Well, I think we're both clean enough," Sandy said. "Let me get us some towels."

He left the shower and returned shortly, handing her a towel. She hobbled out, drying herself and donning a bathrobe. He did the same, and they moved to the bedroom, lying across the bed.

Kirsten stared at the ceiling, lost in her thoughts but thankful for the normalcy that had returned to her. They lay together, not saying anything, just enjoying the company. She prayed that this all wasn't a dream; she hoped that she and Sandy could go back to being the great couple that had always been.

"I'm glad you're okay," she heard Sandy say. "You could have been seriously hurt, or even worse. I'm just glad that I got to you in time."

"I know, me too," she replied. "It was silly, I never should have went there. I just needed to do something before I came home to you."

Sandy rolled onto his side to face her. "Well, whatever it was, I know it must've been important. I'm just glad you're safe now." He draped one arm across her stomach and propped himself up with the other. She was glad that he didn't press her about the necklace incident. She didn't want to tell him, for fear of inflaming an already sensitive situation.

"Sandy, I'm sorry for everything," she said, her voice full of shame. "I don't ever want to lose you. I don't want to get so far away that I can't find you anymore. I want you to know that I will never walk away like that again." Her eyes were pools of emotion, and he thought he might get lost in them for a minute.

Sandy brought his hand to stroke her face. "Kirsten, we both screwed up. I'm sorry, too. You trusted me and I let you down. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. But I can do this. I can promise you that I will never let anyone come between us again. From now on if there's a mess, we clean it up together."

Kirsten smiled and placed her hand over his. She was overcome by gratitude and love. He was truly the most amazing man she had ever know, and what she might have had with anyone else in the past couldn't hold a candle to what she had with Sandy. Carter had meant a great deal to her, but there were so many questions in that relationship. She couldn't be sure if he had really meant the things he'd said to her. But with Sandy, there was never a doubt. His love was as strong and dependable now as it was twenty years ago. Carter wasn't a constant, just a variable. She and Sandy had a relationship that was all but invincible, and she was so proud to call him her husband.

Kirsten turned to face him, inches from him. She could feel the heat from his body, and smiled at the familiar feelings it invoked it her. "I love you so much," she sighed, kissing his hand.

"I love you too, Kirsten."

He moved to her, slowly, deliberately, not wanting to rush a single minute. He kissed her mouth, savoring the taste of her lips, the breath she sighed. He felt her arms slinking around his neck to pull him closer, and suddenly he cursed the fabric of the robes that was keeping him from his prize. He sat up, guiding her with him, and teasingly untied the sash that held her robe in place. Her eyes followed his as he leaned in to kiss her once again, opening her robe. He kissed her neck, and slowly slid the robe off of her shoulders. He looked down the bare skin of her back, drinking in her beauty. He smiled when he saw the goose pimples begin to cover her.

"You cold?" he asked her sweetly. She nodded, so he took a moment to turn down the bed covers. Her robe fell to the floor, completely exposing her. He stopped, just for a minute and admired her, in awe of how beautiful she was to him. She looked to the floor, a little sheepish. Even though he was her husband, it had been so long since he had saw her like that; she couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious. He smiled at her, almost as if he was reading her thoughts.

"It may have been while, but I still know every inch of your body." He took her hands and kissed them, and immediately her uneasiness disappeared. He helped her into bed, and settled the covers around her, up to her waist. She lay her side, watching him as he took off his robe and moved to join her under the covers. His presence there was comforting; it reminded her of all the mornings they had lay in bed together, making love or just cuddling and talking. She missed things like that so much. She wanted to do whatever she could to make up for all the lost time they had suffered through. Sandy had always been her strength, her rock in hard times. She wanted it to be that way again, forever.

She put her arms around him, his body heat electrifying her. They had endured such an emotional drought the past few months. She soaked in his love through every pore in her body. He kissed her softly, his fingers stroking her damp hair as it trailed across the pillowcase. No words needed to be spoken, their bodies understood in an entirely different language. Sandy moved atop her, and Kirsten winced at the pressure she felt on her ankle.

'Oh, honey, I'm sorry," Sandy said, almost jumping off of her, causing them both to laugh. Lovemaking was going to be awkward. Sandy threw back the covers, caressing her sore foot gently. He placed kisses there, moving his lips over the curves of her calf, behind her knee, to her thigh, and higher still. He let his lips and tongue work over her delicate parts, invoking a moan from her that was music to his ears. He saw her fingernails dig into the sheets, and knew that he was welcome here. He tantalized her until her breathing became out of control and her body arched against him. He stopped, enjoying the soft curses that came from her. He smiled and placed kisses on her stomach, and then to her breasts. His lips left a fiery trail along her jaw line, where they connected with hers once again. She could taste herself on him, but didn't mind. It was actually kind of erotic. She returned his kiss with a renewed passion. Her arms circled his neck, pulling him down to her. He situated himself between her legs, minding the ankle. She let her hands play across his chest, tickling with her nails, watching him squirm. It made her smile. Her hands continued until she found what she was looking for. She was glad to find the desired response she hoped she would. He groaned at her touch, whispering her name as she played mercilessly. He had to pull her hands away, and take a minute to catch his breath. She giggled softly, and he smiled back, kissing her. "I just hope I can make this last. It has been awhile, you know."

"Sandy, I wouldn't take anything for this time together, no matter what happens. We've got the rest of our lives to get it right again."

His mouth landed on hers with force. He parted her lips with his tongue, and she let him in. His kiss was fierce, welcome. She returned his passion, and begged him not to tease her anymore. He smiled again, positioning himself, and in a split second, he was inside her. He drew a deep breath and let it out, overcome with the sensation of her.

Kirsten sighed melodiously, never feeling as complete as she felt now. After a few moments, she felt him begin to move within her once again. She arched her hips against him, allowing less distance between them. They moved together in perfect rhythm, enjoying each other's bodies, and becoming reacquainted with soft touches and quiet moans. They were two lost souls, who had found each other once again. After months apart, they were again as one.

Everything around them faded away, and all of the bad things that had happened to them seemed to disappear. They climaxed together, a mixture of moans and a few fingernail scratches on Sandy's shoulders. After the waves of pleasure began to ebb away, they lay together, quiet and content. Sandy kissed her forehead and brought her closer to him. She turned onto her side, reminded of the pain in her ankle that she had all but forgotten a few minutes ago. She lay her head on Sandy's chest, listening to the sound of his heart beating. She felt so thankful that she hadn't lost him. She knew there were so many times he could've given up. But all of that turmoil was gone now. The uncertainty and the hurt that had made her turn to drinking, to solitude–all of that was in the past. She held on to this man, her husband, and for the first time in a long time, she felt safe. He was her solid ground. She leaned up and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, watching him smile as he rubbed his hand up and down her spine. "I love you," she heard him say, barely a whisper.

"I love you too, Sandy."

She knew that it would be a long road to get back to where they needed to be. This was a good start, but there was no way that just one night could fix all that needed to be fixed. But there was one thing she knew for sure. She would never allow herself to stray again. She would never put them through this again. Carter and Rebecca had shown them both what was really important in life, and gave them both the determination to never let it go.

* * *

**I want to say thanks to all the folks out there who have been following my story from beginning to end. Panz, kursk, bluetoffee, and all of the others who have been so faithful with reviews. This story was so much fun to write; it has renewed my love of the written word altogether. I almost didn't want this story to end, and it's something I'm very proud of! I'm glad you all enjoyed it!  
**

**Thanks,**

**Jess :) **

**Btw, I'm on MSN messenger quite often. Feel free to drop me a line sometime and we can dish about everything OC! **


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